All:
He's so innocent, pure and respectable
He's the freshness of youth
Squeaky clean, sweet sixteen, so delectable
He is ultimate truth

You may find this not easy to swallow
From behind even harder to follow
But he tastes rather crisp
Like a Will-o'-the-Wisp
Of his kind rather meagre and hollow

Of his kind rather meagre and hollow
As the Bellman was heard to remark
This is a mark of the Snark

He's so reas'nable, decent and sensible
He is sombre and sound
And his character's quite comprehensible
Yet he's slightly profound

You will learn it's a Snarkish tradition
To spurn any comic condition
Witticisms he'll shun
He looks grave at a pun
And he yearns to develop ambition

Yes he yearns to develop ambition
As the Bellman was heard to remark
This is a mark of the Snark

His behaviour is quite inspirational
Though he lacks self-esteem
He abhors all things hallucinational
He's dismayed by a dream

Like the wonders in men's magazin'ry
Tho' it's fun to peruse the obscen'ry
When it comes to the crunch
He has breakfast for lunch
And he's hungry for bathing machin'ry

He is hungry for bathing machin'ry
As the Bellman was heard to remark
This is a mark of the Snark

As a chap he's non-unorthodoxical
Not all there when he's here
Yet at times he can be paradoxical
You can quite disappear

It is right we should warn ev'ry hoodlum
Who would smite him, your fate could be gruesome
You'll be meeting your match
If he comes up to scratch
For he might in the end be a Boojum!

For he might in the end be a Boojum
As the Bellman was heard to remark
This is a mark of the quite unproliferous
slightly pestiferous
frightf'ly splendiferous
Snark

Wal:
Now crew, get ready to set off again
Go home, write a will; pack pies
Pyjamas, clean knickers, a toothbrush - and then
You must tenderly say your goodbyes

Then hurry back here with a bottle of rum
And assemble before it gets dark
Scrub your toes, pick your nose, write a postcard to Mum
For tomorrow we hunt for the Snark!

All:
For tomorrow we hunt for the Snark!
From the South Pole to up in the Arc - tic!
We expect it'll be gory
When we've trekked home in glory
We'll erect a memorial
Plaque

Mrs Hargreaves:
On the 4th of July, 1862, the Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, a young Oxford don who was then Mathematical Lecturer of Christ Church, went rowing with the three small daughters of the Dean - my two sisters and me. The world has subsequently made much of that magic moment when I, Alice Liddell, asked:

Alice:
Tell us a story, Uncle Charles

Ms H:
And Dodgson began:

Lewis Carroll & male choir sing from the Prologue to "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland":
All in the golden afternoon
Full leisurely we glide
For both our oars, with little skill
By little arms are plied
While little hands make vain pretence
Our wanderings to guide

Ms H:
It was a tale about just such a little girl as the gravely attentive Alice Liddell, who used to prod him whenever he lapsed for a time from his story of another Alice falling down a rabbit hole into the world of the unexpected ...

Dodgson:
For more than sixty years
Less than a hundred
I lived in hopes and fears
And often wondered
If I should ever find
Gentle and pure love
A Dulcinea God designed
A sweet mature love

For more than sixty years
Daydreams un-numbered
I lived in sighs and tears
And often wondered
If I should ever be
Cheery and breezy
Contented and full of glee
Taking it easy

LC'n'D:
For more than sixty years
I studied and I plundered
My dreams, my eyes, my ears
And often wondered
If I should ever know
If what is seeming
Is not what is in truth, and so
This life is dreaming

All:
Tick tock, tick tock ...

D:
Alice, wait! Alice!

Dong Ding

LC:
Time waits for no-one, he presses right on
Each magic moment is suddenly gone
The face in the fire reduces to ash
The wonder of childhood is gone in a flash!
She softly and suddenly vanish'd away
Time makes us pay!

White Rabbit:
Hickory dock, I go tock tick tock
Dockory hick, I go tick tock tick

Wal:
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
It's seven o'clock!

Tweedledee:
Six o'clock!

Tweedledum:
Six o'clock!

Both:
Time for tea!

Alice:
Ah, look what we have here: twins! Tell me, is one of you a spare?

Dee:
Very funny! Ditto!

Dum:
Contrariwise! It ain't no fun to be a twin

Dee:
Six o'clock!

Alice:
But it was six o'clock a minute ago

Dum:
So it was and so it is

Dee:
Vice versa! So it is and so it was

Dum:
Time's standing still - we can't do a thing with him!

Alice:
Oh ... What's that snoring sound?

Dee:
What snoring sound?

Dum:
Yes what?

A snoring sound is heard

Alice:
That snoring sound
First boy!

Dee:
Nohow!

Alice
Next boy!

Dum:
Contrariwise!

Alice:
Is it the Snark?

Dee:
It's the Black King - he's dreamin'

Dum:
Don't wake him! No yellin' or screamin'!

Dee:
Vice versa! No screamin' or yellin'! If he wakes just where do you think you will be?

Alice:
Right here

Dum:
No-where! No way! He's dreamin' of you. If that there King were to wake you'd go out - PHUT! - just like a candle

Dee:
We're all of us things in his dream

Alice:
Contrariwise! Nohow! Vice versa! I'm dreamin' of him!

Dum:
Huh?

Dee:
"Huh" is "huH" backwards

Dum:
Well "huH" spelt backwards is "huH" spelt backwards spelt backwards

Alice:
huH?

Dum:
"Vice versa" is "versa Vice" vice versa

Dee:
Well "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa is "versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" "

Dum:
And " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa is "versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" " " vice versa is " " " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa" is versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" "

Both:
" " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa is "versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" " " vice versa is " " " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa" is versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" " vice versa is "versa vice " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa is "versa vice "versa vice vice Versa" " " " is versa vice " " "Versa vice vice versa" vice versa is "versa vice vice Versa" " " " [etc]

Dee:
It ain't no fun to be a twin

Dum:
No fun at all, indeed it's rather grim

Dee:
I'm always known as just a clone of him
We're deuce, a brace, the twain

Dum:
A random tandem, it's inane
A pain to be a twin

Both:
We're built compactly
We know in fact we
Are both exactly
Symmetrical

Theoretically
Cosmetically
Genetically
Identical

We are two twins
Here is the reason why:
We were two twin-
Kles in our father's eye

Yet though each brother
Is like the other
We're like each other
As chalk and cheese

Dee:
For he likes Lily

Dum:
And he likes Millie

Both:
And I like Willie! ... [Oops!]

We're easy to please

We look the same, the blame
Is shared when things go wrong
And thus the shame continues twice as long

If we only could be the only son
We would be simply won -
- Derful - it ain't no fun to be a twin!

LC:
Ah, look what we have here: twins! Tell me: is one of you a spare?

Dee:
Funny!

Dum:
Very funny! Off with his head!

LC:
You can't take off my head

Dee:
Why not?

Dum:
Yes, why not, indeed?

LC:
Because if you took off my head then you wouldn't exist. You'd go out - PHUT! - just like a candle. You only exist in my imagination

Dee:
Nonsense!

Dum:
Yes, nonsense indeed! Never heard such a thing - it's just a figment of your imagination

Dee:
And just what do you think you're going to imagine next, eh?

Dum:
Yes, what?

LC:
Ah, let me see ... I think I'll imagine ... that you're about to sing another verse of your song

Dee:
What rot!

Dum:
Pure poppycock! There'll be no more singing from us!

Dee:
Nohow!

Dum:
Contrariwise!

Dee:
It ain't no fun to be a twin

Dum:
We are disgruntled though it's not a s(c)in -

Dee:
- Tillating thing to be a pair, aware
Of quand'ries we are in -

Dum:
- Disputably there's lots of fun -
- Ny things in being a twin

Both:
We were two 'ap -
- Less little kids, rather shy
We are two app -
- Les of our mother's eye

Dee:
It's very easy to be cyn -

Dum:
- Ical - It's strange we're not delin -

Dee:
- Quent - Really we've been rather swin -

Dum:
- Dled - We're the same in ev'ry wrin -

Dee:
- Kle - Really it's quite ignomin -

Dum:
- Ious - It goes on ad infin -

Dee:
- Itum - We're most annoyed, fair din -

Dum:
- Kum - It's no fun to be a twin

Both:
You know how much this on our pip gets
But then, at least we're not triplets!

LC, D, Dum'n'Dee:
Is each of us only a half?
Are we one pea or two in the pod?
Do both of us share an identity?
Together are we even or odd?

Dee'n'Dum:
You may think we are being quite neurotic
It happens when you're monozygotic

Our girl-friends compare us
But don't want to share us
Old maids try to snare us
And tousle our hair

It's awf'ly alarming
They find us so charming
And smirk while remarking
That one must be a spare!

Perhaps it's worse to be a singleton like you
Are we perverse - should we be satisfied?

LC, D, Dum'n'Dee:
If you only were a duo like us
Would you create a fuss?

Dee'n'Dum:
Or would you say it's fun?

LC'n'D:
Perhaps it's really fun?

All:
We're sure it would be fun -

LC, D, Dum'n'Dee:
- Damentally no fun

All:
To be a twin, a twin
So them's the outs and ins
Of being identical twins!

All:
What is the Snark
And what is the Boojum?
Why are we hunting?
What will we learn?

Is there a secret?
Why do we yearn?
Hope, fear and anguish -
Will we return?

Dodgson:
I was walking on a hillside, alone, one bright summer day, when suddenly there came into my head one line of verse - one solitary line - "For the Snark was a Boojum, you see". I knew not what it meant then; I know not what it means now; but I wrote it down; and some time afterwards the rest of the stanza occurred to me, that being its last line: and so by degrees, at odd moments during the next year or two, the rest of the poem pieced itself together, that being its last stanza

Alice: But Uncle Dodgson, what does it mean? What is the Snark and what is the Boojum?

D:
It doesn't mean anything. There's no sense to it.

Lewis Carroll:
It's just ... nonsense!

All:
Hope, fear and anguish -

D:
Will we return?

Dodgson:
Pawn to King Four

Lewis Carroll:
Reply: Pawn to King Four

D:
Pawn to King's Bishop Four

LC:
Reply: Pawn takes pawn!

D:
Knight to King's Bishop Three; Yippee:
The Knight's Gambit!

LC:
Reply: Pawn to King's Knight Four

D:
Bishop to Bishop Four

LC:
Reply: Pawn to Knight Five

D:
Castles!

All:
Exclamation!

D:
Attack, defend, retreat and harry
Lunge and cut and thrust and parry
Clear the board, swap off, and clari-
Fy ...

All:
The Knight's Gambit!

LC:
Stand and fight, engage with passion
Watch the back rank, spring the Dragon
Aim to seize the long diagon-
Al ...

All:
The Knight's Gambit!

D:
I've tussled to the death
With a wily Ruy Lopez

LC:
And I've been cornered and confined
By a mean Maroczy Bind

D:
I've been ambushed

LC:
I've been charged and stalked
And I've been skewered

D:
And I've been pinned and forked

LC:
I've wagered half a million
On a Nimzovitch Sicilian

D:
Sometimes, in pensive manner
I've played the Giucco Pianner

LC:
I've not left it up to fate
I've gone looking for a mate

D:
I've battled pain and misery and strife

LC:
When all about King's Indians were rife

D:
I've struggled in the great chess game of life

All:
The Knight's Gambit!

Mrs Hargreaves:
I was once a pawn, but at last I reached the eighth square and became a queen. I remember being ever so excited. Now I'd like to be a pawn again - in Uncle Dodgson's rooms at Christ Church in Oxford. I don't think there was ever such a fairy-land for children! So many gadgets and things he'd invented - like the Nyctograph, so he could write things in bed at night, and his Wonderland postage-stamp case with a picture on it which changed when the case was opened. He owned a microscope, a telescope, a skeleton, travelling inkpots ... and a great old camera, with which he used to take portraits of his child-friends, sometimes un-draped (the "nudities", he called them). After photography sessions he would entertain with word-games he'd devised like "Doublets", and "Lanrick", and "Syzygies"

Dodgson:
When I use a word it means just what I choose
It to mean, neither more nor less (no less)

Ms H:
What I liked best were the music-boxes: big black ebony boxes with glass tops through which you could see all the works, and twenty or thirty little ones. He would amuse me by putting the cylinders into the music-boxes backwards and upside-down, and the tunes they played were upside-down and backwards, sometimes very funny, some-times weirdly beautiful ...

D:
When I say that I'm in love I specify
The meaning all these simple words possess
I love you means I love you
More than any words can express

Ms H:
The smell of certain chemicals still brings back a vision of the mysterious dark cup-board where he developed his plates, of the dressing room where strange costumes had to be donned, and of the rather awe-inspiring ceremony of being posed, with fastidious care

Dodgson is photographing Alice

Alice:
"The Hunting of the Snark", Uncle Dodgson - what does it mean?

D:
What was that, my dear? I'm a little deaf, you know

Alice:
The meaning of "The Snark"

D:
Oh yes. I'm afraid I didn't mean anything but nonsense when I invented him. Still, you know, words mean more than we mean to express when we use them: so a whole book ought to mean a great deal more than the writer intended. Now just move your head a little ...

Alice:
Have you ever met with a Snark?

D:
Not yet - but of course I'm looking. He's handy for striking a light, you know

Alice:
But what if the Snark turns out to be a Boojum?

D:
That's the risk one takes ... Ah, there, perfect! Now I want you to hold very still

Alice:
But Uncle Dodgson ...

D:
Shush ... Now, very still ...

Ms H:
My knight in shining armour
How pleasant to enter his world of pretend
To wake in his dreamtime, his fancies attend
To make his acquaintance, to be his good friend
I cherish him ...

All:
Flash! We'll be in the paper
Flash! We'll be in the news
Flash! We're off on a caper
Flash! We'll give interviews

We'll tell ev'ryone what we will do
Pass - ionately
We will describe what we pursue
Nat - ional ex-
Posure will mean
That we will be seen
As quite a remarkable crew

Brash, but dash -
Ing, with pa-

Nache! telling our adventures, we'll make a
Splash! in all the magazines; we'll get (Pat)
Cash! flashing our dentures; we'll be a
Smash! on television screens

Snark-Hunting will be the new
Fash - ion that
Ev'ryone will be into
Rat - ional a-
Nalysis shows
What ev'ryone knows
That one day we'll cook a Snark stew

Or gou - lash!
We'll go to a haber -

Dash! - ery for the thimbles; the Snark will
Gnash! his teeth in despair; he might
Gash! himself when he gimbles; then we'll
Lash! him to a chair

Dodgson:
And what if he turns out to be a Boojum?

Alice:
And what if he sings "Fee fie foo fum"?

Al:
(Fum foo fie fee?)

Wal:
There'd be a

All:
Flash! - sh ...

D:
We'd all be ...
ash ...